When I Said No Matter What, I Meant It
by jai ho x
Summary: Edward does something horrible while he's dating Bella. Bella comforts him! Some fluff, some drama. Just a one-shot. Takes place in between New Moon and Eclipse.


Hello! This is just a quick story that I wrote as I thought of it. Forgive any spelling/grammar mistakes. Also, I didn't give much thought as to when this takes place, so I guess I'll just say in between New Moon and Eclipse. I tried to be as in character as possible. Reviews are appreciated!

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When I Said No Matter What, I Meant It

Bella hated when Edward had to go hunting. Her time apart from him was often dull and monotonous. Well, most of the time it was. This time, however, was different, and much, much worse. Alice didn't need to go, so she was to spend the weekend with Bella at her least favorite place, doing her least favorite thing… shopping at the Seattle mall. Edward was to be gone from Friday after school until Sunday afternoon, maybe even earlier, if he could slip away from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. But regardless, Bella knew Edward needed to hunt as much as possible to be able to tolerate being around her blood, so with a tight, long goodbye hug, she watched him walk out the door of the Cullen house.

"Bella…!" called Alice from upstairs. Bella groaned. Already, this was starting? Really? She had hoped Alice would let her get some homework done, or perhaps take a nap before their long, excruciating trip, but it seemed she would have no such luck. She couldn't even make the excuse that she had to go home and feed Charlie, because as usual, Alice had already talked to him and told him that her and Bella were going to have a weekend-long sleepover since the boys went "camping".

The next two days passed by in slow, torturous agony. Dresses, shoes, earrings, purses, bras, skirts… you name it, Alice bought it all, and then some. Bella was just relieved that it was finally Sunday, and the late afternoon was fast approaching.

It was 7:30 when Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper came back… without Edward. They all seemed a little somber, but Bella probably wouldn't have noticed that anything was off if Edward had been there with them.

"Where is Edward? Is he alright?" Bella asked the three of them, panicked.

Her worries heightened when none of them said anything and looked away from her. It was silent for three whole minutes, her heart thudding in her ears, and in turn, their ears, when finally, Emmett spoke.

"Edward… will be back in a few days… I think…" Emmett quietly trailed off. Uh-oh. This didn't seem good. Bella's immediate thoughts were that Edward was leaving her again. The tears were threatening to spill over her eyes, but she fought them back as she tried to imagine other possible scenarios where Edward would be gone without a warning or an excuse. The thing was though, there were none.

"Calm down Bella, there's really nothing to worry about, I promise," Jasper broke the silence with a small, reassuring smile.

"But I just don't get why. Did something happen? Where did he go? When will he be back? I just don't understand…" Bella was starting to get very frustrated. The Cullens weren't telling her anything, and she wanted answers! It was then that she turned to a very horrified, sad-looking Alice behind her.

"What, Alice, what did you see?" Bella demanded.

Alice replied with a shaky voice, "Bella, as your best friend and almost-sister, I just need you to trust me when I tell you that Edward needs some time alone right now, and that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, or any of us, at all." Stronger and more confident now, she went on. "Edward is just experiencing a vampire moment. You know, when you have your human moments, well, Edward is having a vampire moment right now. He'll be fine, really."

What Alice said to Bella cleared nothing up for her. What did she mean, vampire moment? Did he run too fast into a tree…? Did the animal he was hunting after get away from him, or hurt him? None of these possibilities seemed logical, and in fact, they all seemed like impossibilities. She couldn't ask Carlisle, because he was still at work, taking a double shift, and she couldn't ask Esme because she had gone up to Denali for a week to visit with their Alaskan friends. Bella resolved to try to find out on her own.

"That _might_ work Bella… just don't push him too hard!" Alice yelled, and with that, all of the Cullen "children" ran upstairs to their respective rooms.

With a heavy sigh, standing alone in the middle of the Cullen kitchen, Bella reached into her pocket and took out her phone as she headed out of the house towards her truck.

She drove about a mile towards Forks and pulled over into a populated, but not-too-busy parking lot. She dialed the number that she knew so well, and her heart started thudding in overdrive once again when she heard the ringing.

"_Ring… ring… ri…_" Voicemail. Huh, the phone rang a lot less than usual… Bella gasped in shock and hurt when she realized what that meant: he had ignored her call! She wasn't sure whether to be sad or mad or maybe a little bit of both, but she kept her emotions in check and sent him a text message.

"_Edward, I don't know what's going on, but please call or text me as soon as you get this! I want to know why you're not coming back for a little while… no one will tell me anything, ugh! I love you…_"

Almost immediately, she got a reply from Edward.

"_Love, calm down, go home, and go to sleep._"

What the…? His text messages were never that vague, or irritating. Bella figured she shouldn't give up easily, and her hopes were brought up even more by the fact that Alice had said that her reaching out to him might work as long as she didn't push too hard. She sent another message.

"_Please tell me what's going on. You know you can talk to me about anything. I talk to you about everything!_"

Bella sat very still in her car, phone in hand, waiting for Edward's reply. She didn't want to drive home just yet, because she didn't want to have to wait to see what his answer was. And anyway, vampires tended to get very impatient very quickly. Sure enough, his reply came seconds later.

"_Fine, I'll meet you in your room. But I'm not staying very long. I don't even know how you'll feel about me after this._"

Now, what did _that_ mean? "I don't even know how you'll feel about me after this?" What kind of a statement was that? Bella gave herself no time to wonder in peace, as she immediately put her truck's gearshift into reverse to back out of her spot to get to her house as fast as possible. The farther she drove, the more she worried about her silly and lovable, yet self-loathing vampire.

When Bella finally pulled into her driveway, she slammed the truck door behind her and ran into the house, only stopping for a second to say hello to Charlie. She held her breath in anticipation as she opened the door to her room, and there he was; her handsome vampire soul mate, sitting hunched over with his hands folded neatly in his lap, looking down.

She took a big step forward to run into Edward's lap, but he held his hand up to stop her. "Don't come any closer," he said quietly, still looking down.

"Edward, what is all this nonsense? Why are you acting so strange?" Bella demanded, speaking a little harsher than she had meant to.

"Bella, I…" he sighed, and then started again. "I came here because I do not want you worrying about me. There is no need to worry, or have any sort of sympathetic feelings for a monster like myself."

Bella was utterly confused. A monster like him? Did he mean to say the word "angel" instead? She just couldn't wrap her head around why he was being so secretive and upset. She walked towards him then, and put her hand on his back. She knelt down beside the chair so that she was a head lower than him, and he turned his head to face the other way.

"Edward," Bella said softly, "please tell me what's bothering you. You won't even look at me, what's the matter?" At this, she saw the side of Edward's face scrunch up into a pained expression. He put his head down into his hands and inhaled shakily.

"Please don't comfort me," he choked out, his voice breaking. "Bella, I… there was a man… in the woods… I didn't even know what was happening until…" He stopped there and let out a soft sob.

"While you were hunting? There was someone in the woods? Okay, and… go on…" She urged him to speak more.

"I would understand completely if you were horrified to be around me," he said somberly, taking his head out of his hands, but still facing away from Bella.

"Please tell me Edward. I want to be with you no matter what. I've told you that countless times. You're not a monster, you're not worthless, and you're the only one I want in my life, no matter who else comes and goes. Tell me, please. Maybe I can make you feel better, maybe I can't. But I can only try if you let me know what's going on." Bella's words were soft and reassuring as she rubbed circles on his back. She still had no clue what was going on, but she wanted to be there for Edward no matter what.

Edward let out a sigh, still facing away from Bella. Then finally, he spoke his mind. "I've told you before, that when we hunt, we go into a sort of… frenzy. We cannot control ourselves. It is then that we are completely vampire, almost no trace of human to be found, except for our exterior. Correct?" Bella nodded and urged him to go on. "Well, today when I was hunting, there was a hiker nearby. I did not catch his scent, though, until I was halfway done feeding on a deer." His words were becoming more pained and harsh, but Bella further signaled for him to keep speaking.

"I could not control myself, Bella. It was unbelievable. It was like I've never resisted human blood before. Before I even realized what was happening, I broke…" He sobbed loudly then, and Bella whispered that it was okay, and to go on with the story, still stroking his back and arm now.

After a shaky breath, he continued. "I broke his neck and… oh! I cannot even stand myself. An innocent man on a hike, with the unfortunate luck of running into vampires on the hunt! How many crimes must he have committed to have that hand of fate? He probably had a family, and old parents who needed him, and friends who were expecting his return…" He couldn't go on then, too disgusted with himself to even deal with his own existence.

Bella had tears in her eyes, fighting them back once again. The tears were not for the man who died, although Bella thought that was quite sad. Her tears were for the love of her life, the man sitting in her chair, weeping for his actions and hating himself more and more every minute for it. Bella stood up then, and hugged him around his neck, not caring that he gently tried to pull away.

Bella whispered in Edward's ear soothingly, "Edward, it's just in your nature. I still love you more than my own life; it's ridiculous that you could ever think that I wouldn't. I understand that you're disappointed because you've worked so hard for so many years to not drink human blood. But surely you must know that that doesn't change my opinion or love for you! Carlisle and Esme, too. Your whole family, in fact."

As she said this, Edward buried his head into Bella's chest.

"Love," he said, "I just cannot bear the thought of being around you after I have committed the most heinous of crimes. Please forgive me. I'll be leaving now." With that, he pushed Bella away from him gently and stood to exit out the window. Bella stopped him, grabbing his arm and pleading.

"Edward, please stay! You don't know how I've missed you all weekend, and I want to prove to you that I love you unconditionally. Please stay the night. I want to be with you always. I will always want you, don't you understand that?"

"Bella, you have no idea what I look like… my eyes…" Edward said sadly.

Bella quickly replied, "I don't care about your eyes! They could be gold, black, red, green, or even rainbow for all I care… I think you're beautiful and wonderful in every way. The only one who minds your eyes is you. When I told you I wanted to be with you no matter what, I meant it."

Edward sat back onto Bella's bed and held her tiny hands in his. "My love, you are far too good for me…" he started. But he was cut off by Bella kissing his forehead.

"Edward, look at me. Please?" she begged.

"You'll regret asking," he said.

"No, I won't. I never regret doing anything with you. Please just trust me when I say that that definitely won't change now."

Bella put her hands on either side of Edward's face and tried to make him look up at her. Reluctantly, he obliged, slowly bringing his face upwards to meet hers.

His piercing, almost glowing red eyes looked into Bella's brown orbs, and she gasped quietly. "I'm sorry," he said, and looked back down.

"No, no! It's okay. Different, but definitely alright with me." He looked at Bella again, and she smiled.

"You are always the most handsome man I've ever seen. Even with red eyes. They're quite lovely, actually. I'd say they suit you," she giggled. Edward couldn't help his own small smile in response.

"You're crazy, you know that, love?" he questioned. Bella smiled bigger, nodded, and kissed him full on the lips.

"I need a human moment to get ready for bed. I fully expect you to be waiting here for me, Mr. Cullen," she failed at being stern and laughed instead. With that, she strode out of her room, and into her bathroom to get ready for bed.

Bella came back in her pajamas to find Edward lying on top of her bed, waiting for her, having followed her orders strictly. She felt a rush of excitement at this scene in front of her, and quickly crawled into bed under her covers next to him, wrapped in a wool blanket for the night.

"I love you Edward," Bella said happily with a yawn.

"I love you too, Bella, more than you know. Goodnight, my love."

Bella yawned again, and the last thing she saw before closing her eyes to sleep was her lovely, red-eyed Edward.

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So, how did you like it? Did you even like it, or did you hate it? Well, reviews are welcome!


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